<soapbox>
What once used to be a a very secretive and somewhat laughed about way to meet men/women and something that you kept on the down low if you started dating someone, is now an open and widely accepted phenomenon. If you start dating someone from the internet and are asked about how you met, these days most people won’t even bat an eyelid when they answer. In the not so distant past, people found it awkward to answer and often became embarrassed to admit they’d met someone on the internet.
There are so many sites out there, some that will charge for their services, others that are free to use. Personally, I have never paid to use an internet dating site. Yes it’s true, you often get what you pay for (or don’t, as the case may be), however, I have never been able to justify it. Having said that, when glitches occur or the site goes down or other such issues, one can’t really complain if they are not paying for said service.
As is the way with most sites, you create a profile, upload a few images and choose what you are looking for ie one night hook ups, something ongoing and casual or a relationship. Sometimes it may be casual and relationship or hook up and casual, but I don’t think I have ever seen hook up and relationship! I myself am on a few internet dating sites and as such have observed 4 key things that seem to be common across any of them:
1) Most guys don’t read profiles
2) A lot of guys don’t really know what they want, despite making you believe they do
3) Guys blatantly lie
4) Sexy talk too soon
I will quantify these statements in a moment. I know it may seem like I’m stating the obvious and this is not an attempt to start a ‘guy bash’ rant, however I am coming at this from a female perspective. From what I’ve been told, there are a lot of fruity female profiles too!
OK, so let’s take the first statement: Most guys don’t read profiles
When I sign up to a dating site, I fill out as much of the info as possible. I believe it gives an insight into who I am and what I am looking for. By no means do I disclose everything about me. That defeats the whole purpose of dating and you don’t want just any one knowing that much information about you. I am always clear about what I am looking for and what I am not looking for, in both my description area and my seeking criteria. Despite the fact I have made it very clear I am not looking for anyone under 30, I get a lot of guys trying to add me that are well under 30, sometimes as young as 18 or 19, however mostly early 20s. I get the odd mid 40-50 year old too! So, having said that, this tells me they either read my profile and tried to add me anyway (though I don’t believe this to be likely) or liked what they saw in my photo and tried their luck. It is only mildly flattering. Yes, it’s nice to think people think I am attractive enough to want to chat to (either that or they’re desperate!!!), however it annoys me more than anything as I am pretty sure they haven’t read my profile at all. I don’t even bother reading theirs. What’s the point? I am not interested in dating a 22 year old OR a 48 year old. I go to the trouble of writing a good profile which talks about my interests etc, yet SO many still ask what I enjoy doing! WTF??!! Ummm…READ. MY. PROFILE. If they reference it and say ‘So you like to sing? What kind of stuff?’ THERE WE GO! That shows they’ve read it and want to learn about me. 10 points for you, buddy! Otherwise, why even write one?
On that, some don’t even bother to write anything on their profiles and only have a pic. Some don’t even have a pic! I often get requests for some guy from ‘Sydney’ who is 32 who wants to chat and has no pic. Pics aren’t everything but if you don’t have anything else for me to go on… It tells me so much that you have a blank profile and is so inviting for me to want to chat to you. Heads up oh lame one…if you can’t be bothered to even write a profile, it screams to me that you’re a lazy ass who has no real desire or drive to do anything. I am not going to waste my time on you. Period. NEXT!
Moving on to the next statement: A lot of guys don’t really know what they want, despite making you believe they do
OK, in all honesty, a lot of us don’t really know what we want exactly, however what I am referring to here is that guys will often put that they are looking for a relationship on their profile, yet when you start chatting to them or even get to going on a date with them, you discover that all they’re really looking for is some ‘no strings attached’ fun. They’ll take you out for a nice dinner, have a great conversation before not so subtly asking you back to their place! That is all good and well and I am not here to say no strings fun is a bad thing, but if that is what you want, be honest about it! Don’t say you want more just to get a girl’s attention or to try and swindle her into going out with you. That’s just bad form. We females as a general rule (notice I said general rule) put a lot more emotion into dating and/or sex, so even women that say they can handle ‘no strings’ fun, often find they start becoming emotionally attached to the guy. Guys can separate sex and emotions alot easier than girls. I know I am generalising here, so please don’t throw the rotten tomatos at me! This can often be the other way around and of course it happens. From personal experience and also friends and friends of friends that I have spoken to, this seems to be the trend. At the end of the day, most people don’t deal well with confrontation well and so lie by omission to see how far they can push their luck. A fair amount of the time, I am sure they get away with it, but if you message me ‘I’m just looking for sexy fun’ and say that you are wanting a relationship on your profile, I am going to want hurtle nails at you. Be honest and have the balls enough to be true to yourself. If sex is all you want, say that. If a girl wants more than that, she’s not going to sleep with you on the first date anyway, so get over it.
Next statement: Guys blatantly lie
This statement can be tied into the previous, however there are some that will go that step further. I have chatted to guys, sometimes for over a week before they have mentioned they have a partner already and are just wanting to play around (why they’d admit it, I don’t know!); some don’t live where they say; some aren’t the age they say. SOME even have a photo on their profile that is like 5 years old or more! Come ON! This is like LYING on your CV! I know a lot of people do it, but at the end of the day, you’re going to get caught, if not now, eventually. If you can’t be honest about who you are, what does that say about you as a person? Do you really think a woman wants to be with a man like that? Hells no! Be honest from the get go. If she doesn’t like you based on whatever the criteria, be it age, race, residential address – deal with it. It may be shallow, but at least you know what type of person she is BEFORE you start to date her…
Final statement: Sexy talk too soon
OK, this is a BIG pet peeve of mine. There is nothing more of a turn off to me than when I have first added a guy/he’s added me to chat to and the first thing he says is ‘Hey baby’ or Hey sexy’. It’s too familiar too quick, in my opinion. I am no prude but I think there has to be some level of respect here. It just sounds sleazy. There are times when I am lucky if I get one or two answers out of them before the raunch factor is ramped up and all the naughty questions start coming out. I have had guys tell me their deepest, darkest sexual escapades and desires within minutes of starting a chat. There are certain things that should be left until you know someone a little better. I mean, there is no way I divulge all my sexual desires and interests to someone I’ve just met. Many would probably just run away screaming! <insert evil grin here> That stuff is all good and fun, however for me, it’s all about the building of tension. Finding out each other’s interests and what you’re looking for, flirting, meeting up for a drink or coffee and flirting some more, starting to allude to some of your sexual interests (obviously this is different if you’re just looking for no strings fun). It makes for something of far more substance and for me, I need to feel an emotional connection with a person before I start giving up that kind of information or parts of me.
Having ranted about all of the above, I have chatted to and met some awesome people as well. It is not all lies and deception! Some I have had nothing more than a great conversation as there was no spark but I don’t regret having had them. I’ve also had some very bizarre experiences too. There are a lot of fruit loops out there, both men and women, that frequent internet dating sites. I know a lot of people say ‘Well that’s the internet for you’ but really, you can meet the same people in a bar or at a party. The main difference is that the internet gives one a sense of anonymity. This is the reason why guys (and girls too) feel that they can behave the way they do because it’s ‘just the internet’. You can hide behind your username and your fake email address and never have to deal with reality.
If you’ve never tried it, internet dating is worth checking out and can be a lot of fun. All I will say, and this is pretty obvious, that if you ever do it, make sure you meet in a public place and drive or get transport there yourself, at least for a first date. People aren’t always what they seem and its best to be able to not have to worry about whether they are a psychotic axe-wielding murderer or not and you’re getting into their car. ALWAYS watch your drink if you go to a bar – don’t be so naive as to think it won’t happen to you. Second date, if you feel comfortable, by all means, let him pick you up or if you don’t feel comfortable having him come to your home, meet somewhere and go in one car to wherever you decide.
Good luck!
</soapbox>
I did OK as I am reasonably flexible and strong in certain areas, but it needs a lot of work. It also made me realise how unfit I am. At first, it saddened me as I thought ‘How did I let it get to this?’ but then I thought ‘OK, big deal. You’re unfit. Fix it!’
Not long before we reached the shore, Adam handed me the mainsheet, which is the rope that controls the sail and the big bar across the back that was attached to the two rudders and I steered us into shore. It was really cool. Here I was – sailing! w00t!! I was a bit hesitant as I didn’t want to hit anything, but I steered around the moored boats and onto the beach, where we handed back our little craft. I didn’t want it to end and will certainly be back in the very near future. Balmoral Beach was a beautiful place to be and it really made me appreciate the stunning harbour that we have.